To whom will always be in my heart,
Nur Haziqah,
The most beautiful of Allah's creation.
Nothing will make me feel more greatful to Him.


Why don't we just be honest.
If you don't see the point in this anymore,just do it.
There'll be no more of your pretence.
No more of the need for this blog.
"Just let me go..." you said.
I'm not blaming you.
For what I did, I shall pay;
I shall be the one with questions.
I shall be kept in the dark and not know.
I shall be the one falling victim to pretence after so long.
Why don't you just be honest.

My commitment, I swear is sincere. My loyalty, only to you. Those times are so far away from us and the future so faded. If you're too young, then I'm too old. I'm taking this too soon, too fast. All the more, you should wanna be left. Your inner thoughts has come to a consensus. The jury in which I, whom I thought was a boyfriend, was locked out of. I personally feel it's alright. If I can't make you happy then only you could. Or that "someone" you always talk about finding who would not hurt you.

Never in my mind have I ever thought of leaving. However, just go if you wanna.

All I'm saying is: I've been through the best year anyone could ever face. One whole year with you. I'm glad I found you amidst the crowd of crazy, action-seeking, sweaty and full of life freshies. I'm glad you saved me from my past. I'm glad you did the best you could to make me a better person. Stopped drinking, stopped hurting myself as much, for encouraging me in my studies, for taking care of me when I'm sick, and the list will just go on and on for pages if I were to continue writing. You'll still love me, you said; after we do it cleanly.

Looking back, the times we fought: third parties, misunderstanding, sometimes it's not even our faults, I think to myself. We're so lucky. I thought our relationship was as solid and as transparent as diamond. But it seems like it's not. Seems I was too blind to not know how you feel. I did ask. I'm sorry if I just wasn't approachable enough. I'd listen to you; you now I would.

We took on responsibilities together: certain things that we have in common (we're keeping it shush and we're working to fix), a certain Hera (if anyone have heard?), words (of which binds), and most importantly, a future. So, I've worked my way in favour of what we've planned and so now... Where do I put them? On the desk when I leave so that someone can finish my job? Or take it with me and finish my job with someone else? Whatever I've done or will do, will only be for you. Go on: tell me I'm bullshitting or I shouldn't think that, but at the end of the day, I believe in what I want and need. My conscience is clear. One person to put the pieces of my life into place. Fuck anyone who's gonna say I'm weak or not 'man' enough. No one will ever understand cos no one has given you or will ever give you the kind of love I've been having for the past year.

Nyai (my grabdmother) has been asking about you; why you haven't seen her.

It didn't occour to me that tears are rolling. It has been since I started this post, if I'm not wrong. I don't understand. What do I need to do now?

Just know, love, I'll be happy as long as you have anything at all that'll make you happy. No matter what. Even if it eliminates me.



Your Love,
Ari Hakikat,
Who'll cherish you with all of my heart;
Till eternity.







"just let me go.." how it disheartened..